I love my comfort. A lot. Who doesn’t? This season is not comfortable.
I am pushed hard, probably to the limit, with school, with difficult surroundings, with heart ache, and with distance between myself and God. Depressed? Yeah, I am a little. Discouraged? No. I can’t give up, when I know the hope I have to cling onto.
That doesn’t mean that hope makes things easy. I desire things in my life right now that don’t require me to move anymore, mentally or physically. I want the simple joys of playing ukulele, reading fun novels, and having the time to spend with friends (NOT doing homework for once.)
But there is a little light, a little voice somewhere in the back of my head reminding me why I am doing what I am doing, and the importance of being exactly where I am right now. I am working hard to get my degree, I am learning to trust God with all, and I mean ALL, things, and I know that it won’t always be like this–it’s just this season.
“This too shall pass”, but I don’t want to just grit my teeth and bear it out. I remember at the beginning of the year I was committed to being content with who I am and where I am–in the moment. It is my new year’s resolution. The trials of this quarter, however, have made me quickly relinquish my grasp on that idea as being overly fanciful. But it doesn’t have to be. I don’t have to be constantly JOYFUL at where I am, but I do have to acknowledge the importance of what I am going through, what I am learning, and how it shapes me.
I need to endure these growing pains in a way that shows grace, that brings glory to God for what He is doing in me, and that speaks of the hope I have in the future because of what I am going through now–not in spite of.
So when I am seeking comfort these days, I know I need to turn to God. Because really, what can be more peaceful than knowing He has it All under control? I can’t just pray for an easy, comfortable life, though. That isn’t my calling and I know it–no matter how badly this season makes me want it. “God doesn’t call us to seek an easy life, but an obedient one.” And that’s is where I can find true joy and comfort, along with the purpose I know all this hard work is pushing me towards. But the great news is that it doesn’t just stop there…God gives us all of this AND comfort. A fuller comfort. A comfort for the broken parts of me, the hurting heart I have been carrying. He is there for me in that comfort too. I know my comfort comes from obedience to God, of standing still in his presence.
So here is to pushing through, but learning. Wanting comfort, but knowing true peace. Going crazy with the amount of things I have to do and the stresses of this life, but allowing myself to be still with God to be more attentive to His presence in my life. It is through him I am able to find comfort. He makes me comfort[able].